Nature verus nurture: Ha. Ha. Ha.

This is my baby. She is four months old. Yeah, she’s pretty cute. We like her. She’s also pretty demanding. Don’t get me wrong, she’s one of the happiest little beings on the earth……as long as she’s getting her way and has people showering her with affection. I know what you’re saying, “Ummm….all babies are like that.” No they’re not. You have no idea what you’re talking about. This baby….she’s going to have opinions and lots of them. I see that spark, that scowl. Now you’re saying, “My God. Not one of these people.” Listen here! I know what I’m talking about.

Last week we had parent-teacher conferences at the elementary school. My two younger kiddos all had good grades so I went to the conferences expecting to walk away feeling like the greatest parent under the sun.  Instead I walked out saying to myself: “Why does it even matter? It’s hopeless. SOBBBB!”

 Let me start with the mini-me, my 3^rd grader. Once I told a therapist that this child was just like me. She scowled and implied I wasn’t treating my son as an individual. She can officially shut up. What did my parents hear at my parent teacher conferences? “She’s sloppy.” “She puts in minimal effort.” “She could do great things if she actually put some work into it.” “There’s so much potential there.” Certainly I could raise my kids to not be this way. I live in the era of child psychology and infant slings! I am so much wiser than my parents! What did I hear at my son’s parent teacher conference? “He’s sloppy.” “He puts in minimal effort.” “He could do great thing if he actually put some work into it.” “There’s so much potential there.” Nature – 1. Nurture – 0.

Then we went to talk to the conference of my husband’s mini-me, our 1^st grade daughter. What did my mother-in-law hear when my husband was in 1^st grade? “He talks a lot.” “He finishes his assignments but doesn’t turn them in. It’s perplexing.” “He falls out of his desk.” What did we hear from our child’s teacher? “You see that desk way over there away from everyone? That’s where your daughter sits for now until she can learn to stop talking all the time. Oh, and this is a stack of thirteen assignments I found in your child’s desk. They are done and she never turned them in.” The teacher did not give us any information on our child’s issues with gravity. I assume this was because she felt sorry for us. My daughter informed us the next day of her tendency to randomly fall from desk to floor. Nature – 2. Nurture – 0.

While I didn’t walk away from parent-teacher conferences feeling like the greatest parent under the sun, I walked away with an appreciation for who my kids are. I cannot change them, just like my mother couldn’t change me and my mother-in-law couldn’t change my husband. We are who we are. I don’t need to fight or reprimand. I just need to enjoy. Talk about a whole lot of weight taken off my shoulders.

This little baby is lucky. Her mom has learned through experience that there isn’t a whole lot that can be done to turn an individual with my or my husband’s genetic makeup into a Rhode’s Scholars, or Nobel Prize winning physicists, or Gandhi.  There’s every chance of them becoming sarcastic and argumentative and gloriously happy with the simple little life that’s ahead of them.

I’m thankful for the six people that the universe has entrusted me with. They are neat (and very challenging) people. It’s through learning to love and accept their unique and special personalities that I've learned to love and accept my own challenging personality. Kids are great like that.