Almost there

Check out those palm trees.

It's almost here. In just over a week we'll start our journey south to our new home. It will take 10 long days to get there, but we're all ready to go. And by all of us, I mean ALL of us. Yep, all 7 of us will be traveling together. I'm thrilled!

Our stuff made it to the new house today. All it's missing is us. 

For everything there is a season

Bliss.

Can life settle down again? Please? Pretty please? We've lived in a constant state of change and stress for 8 years now. Deployments, pregnancies, adoption, more adoption, more deployment, trauma, more trauma, move across country, even more trauma. ENOUGH! 

I can't wait to put my feet up on the beach. Feel the sand in my toes, the skin cancer producing rays beating down on me. I can't wait to watch most of my kids laugh and delight in days spent next to beautifully clear blue ocean water. I can't wait to ride my bike down Beach Rd., to the Jupiter Inlet Lighthouse and back everyday. I can't wait to come home to a fridge full of delicious homebrewed beer. I will pull the tap and fill a glass without the least bit of guilt.

For a while, I'm going to be living the life of the "spoiled, unconcerned American" that everyone I know seems to loathe. I. DON'T. CARE. We've got an opportunity that I will not take for granted. This is the time to put the past behind us. We get to nurture our family. What's the point of adopting and working to help heal children from trauma if we are too burnt out to be the calm, focused parent that they need?

I am working to create an environment of NO obligations. NO causes to care about. There is only one cause that matters right now, and that is serving these people that I call my children. These hands and feet are planted firmly at home. 


I will be the embodiment of apathy. I simply do not care. I'm not even registering to vote. I will not know what's going on in the world and may not even be able to point to my country on a map. I might shower daily, but I'm not committed to that yet.

Update: We have opted to put residential treatment off as long as possible. It will likely be a necessity in the future, but we are going to do what we can to avoid it. If you find us chopped to bits, then this decision was a mistake.

Well that changes things

For the first time in two years I woke up without worrying what kind of day it would be. The tension in my chest that I've gotten so used to isn't there anymore. I'm not on edge. I'm not impatient. I'm at peace. What kind of person am I to feel this way at such a time? A very normal person, that's who.

Last week we had to admit one of our children into inpatient psychiatric. He is going to be moved to a residential treatment facility within the next two weeks. We don't know how long he'll be there. We hope it's no more than 90 days, but I'm going to be realistic. I've spent the past two years minimizing and clinging to small victories. Those small victories were among the most beautiful moments I could ever experience, but they were not enough to build a happy and safe family.

We are not giving up. Faithfulness doesn't always lead to success. That's a lie that humanity has built as an excuse to neglect those scary things that what we know are right. Often faithless leads to pain and we are called to endure it. In this time I know I'm not called to give up. Residential treatment is not giving up. It is a season. No matter what happens, I feel very confident that it all serves a greater plan.

And I'm so joyful that I've got nothing to cling to but faith.