Not a moment too soon

I love our home. Boise is lovely. While it is a fantastic place for families and those that love the outdoors, it's not the best place for people with medical and/or psychological needs. After our first adoption, I found myself lacking guidance and assistance by experienced, knowledgeable professionals. I often felt dismissed and found that services that were offered in other places aren't offered here. I always blamed myself for my frustration, believing that I was expecting far too much. Last week our primary care doc informed me that pediatric specialties are seriously lacking here and that we'll be getting so much more for our kids where we're going. I was giddy.

I can already tell by talking to different providers in our new tropical home that things will be different. We'll have options and some of the best facilities in the country. Because of this, I'm feeling so much joy in regards to this move. We'll certainly miss friends and the life we had here, but in this season we desperately need the expertise of medical professionals that have a great deal of experience dealing with children with my kids' medical diagnosis. Not to mention, a fantastic assortment of mental health professionals and resources for crisis.

Florida has a lot of issues, no doubt. We'll be facing racism for the first time. Classism is rampant. There seems to be a prevalence of values that I'm simply not used to. BUT...this is life. This is the world. Imperfect.  Flawed. Rather gross at times. I'm not worried about that. We're in a season of our life where excellent health care is VITAL. I feel that battles are being lost here, and very important battles are not being fought.

I'm breathing a sigh of relief, feeling confident that my kids are going to be receiving the best care possible. 

What hope looks like

Freckles: He lives in 1975.

Today Freckles has been home for two years. It's been a very challenging two years with a lot of heartache on both sides. The other day we heard the following:

"I feel like the old [Freckles]."

We asked him what that meant. He explained that he felt like the Freckles before the orphanage, before he lost everything, before he endured a hurt beyond comprehension. He felt like himself....the sweet, kind, loving, brilliant, delightful little boy that we knew was there all along. 

This is what real, honest, beautiful hope looks like. 

Where we became a family

I made this for the kids so whenever they were homesick they could watch this and remember this special place that will always be home. I still can't believe how much has changed in five years.

Growing solidarity

I wouldn't be the first the state that military life either destroys or strengthens a family. I'm not sure there's much room for middle ground. You either choose to make the most of the experience, or you let the inevitable hardships become a breeding ground for resentment. It's a choice.

I value our experiences as a military family, even if they are painful at times. While moving isn't abnormal for any family, I found myself growing resentment towards the military as I held a crying, grieving child that was accepting the reality that he was leaving the only home he's known. That resentment is too easy to embrace when your children are affected by military life.

As hard and sad as it is, I'm thankful for this move. These are the experiences that help strengthen the foundation of our family. Where we are going, none of us has lived. No one has an advantage. We are all new people in a new place. Strangers in a strange land. All the memories will be built together. I imagine it's hard to be the new kid in the family, and with this move none of us are new. And that is good. We all get to feel as if we are on equal footing.

Strength is also built in working together to remain healthy and optimistic as we are transient for a month. The first night we leave our home we'll sit around a campfire and TOGETHER reflect on the hard feelings that deeply affect each of us.

When we open the door to our new home, we'll do so with smiles on our face, TOGETHER....dreaming of the new life we'll share behind these four wall.

As we explore new places, new traditions, new friends we'll do so TOGETHER.....hopeful for new adventures.

The next few weeks will be difficult. I know I'll be drying my fair share of eyes, including my own.......but I won't give in to the resentment. I am thankful for new opportunities to solidify and strengthen who we are as a family. 

Goodbye Idaho

I love Idaho. We wanted to move here several years before the Army stationed us here. Oddly enough, it's hard to get people to want to get stationed in Idaho. That's because they've never been to Idaho and know nothing about it. They think rural and potatoes. While there is that, Idaho is a lot more. The people are friendly. The mountains are beautiful. There's so much to do outdoors. It's perfect, and I hope that the lack of desire on the part of others will open up the possibility of us getting stationed here again in five years.

On Sunday we drove down to City or Rocks National Preserve for camping and hiking. The kids love it there. They are always excited about climbing around on the rocks and exploring. They were really sad to say goodbye to a place that has brought them such great memories.

My youngest

This is my youngest, Hot Lips. She's four, almost five. I can't figure out where she gets this stuff. That was sarcasm. I know exactly where she gets this stuff.

And this is Scarlet. She's old and has packed on a few pounds. She got stuck in the cat door for the first time the other day. John had to pull her out. She's tried dieting. She never sticks with it. But she's happy. And really, isn't that all that matters?

Things our psychologist disagrees with

She says bad words.

It should be known that I like to cuss. Bad words are the wind in my sails, the grass at my feet, the fuel for my soul. I know a lot of good moms and they would not think highly of me and my love of such words. I'm sure they'd say this is proof of my limited vocabulary. To them I say, "You needed more proof?"

A little over a year ago we stopped at McDonald's on a road trip. We needed milk shakes. My then 12-year-old daughter had extremely limited English at that time. She was quite concerned about the trip to McDonald's. Why were these stupid Americans wanting to drink "milk shit"? Idiots!

We laugh about this regularly. Today my 4-year-old asked for a "milk shit" in public. I felt no shame. I gave her a fist bump.

I think it's hilarious when my kids say naughty words. I laugh like a 13-year-old boy every time I hear it. (Except the eff word. The eff word isn't cute.) My kids aren't the smartest kids around, but they know that cuss words are only funny if you use them on occasion and at the right time. I bet your high achieving kids don't have an appreciation that sort of comedic nuance.

Why do I really love cuss words? I think they're therapeutic. They are these syllables that you are not supposed to say. They are bad, revolting, disgusting. Society says people that use such language are classless. This is the perfect thing to share as a family...to make you a family. It's a way to safely act out in defiance of the world, within the safety of the people that love you.

I was a non-cusser after I became a mother. I spent several years as a non-cusser. I bought the non-cussing hype. Post adoption, I let it go and let the bad words fly as needed. (Mostly because I really, really needed to say some bad words.) The words hold POWER for traumatized children. I know, I know. You're thinking, "Way to rationalize you hedonistic beast." Maybe you're right. In fact, I'm sure you're right. I don't care. When I hear my 10-year-old let an "s word" fly, I die of laughter. He dies of laughter. And we bond. We become a family. "Forget the world.....forget those lame-os. We are hilarious. And we are mother and son." Can you think of anything more beautiful?

And now for something completely different

We're moving. It's somewhere far outside my comfort zone, but I'm ready for it. I love an adventure. I love learning to make a life in new places. That said, it's going to be hard to leave the Northwest. I fit here. It's where I've always known I belong. When I lived in Texas, I couldn't wait to get back here. And now I'm saying goodbye again.

No worries. I'm moving to what I have deemed "Jimmy Buffet-land". I don't like Jimmy Buffet, but I sure do like the laid back beach lifestyle he promotes and it seems like we're going to have that for at least three years. I'll look at it as an extended vacation. I'm already sad that at some point we'll have to leave. Oh well, such is life of the military family. We've got at least 2 more duty stations until retirement.

I'm starting to appreciate how significant the cultural differences are going to be. As a mother of five children, most of whom don't look like me, I appreciate that we are not your average All-American family. We currently live in an area where large families and transracial adoption aren't out of the ordinary. When we are out and about in the community we rarely get funny looks or comments. I'm realizing that's going to change soon.

Today I had to make doctor's appointments in Jimmy Buffet-land. It went like this:

Me: "I need to make new patient appointments for my kids."

Doctor's Office: "Great! How about 10:00am on the 13th?"

Me: "That's perfect. But I'll need five appointments. I assume you'll want to schedule us over two days."

Doctor's Office: "Why do you need five appointments? Do you have five kids?"

Me: "Yes."

Doctor's Office: "Oh my goodness! That's a lot of kids!"

I had a similar conversation with the school.

In Idaho, I have a small amount of children. I'm sort of a mothering weakling. I know several families with 8+ children. Five here is like the rest of the country's 2.5 children. In "Jimmy Buffet-land" I would imagine that having 5 kids, most of whom are black (and being a really pale white woman) is the equivalent of having like 12 kids here.

Yep, we're going to be stared at. And that's okay. My 9-year-old is dying to be spotted by a talent scout so this might be the opportunity he's been clamoring for.