I miss my son

Yesterday I received some pictures via email that were taken in a photo booth at my brother's wedding. My son's face was covered by a silly mask, but that smile was unmistakable. It was big and it was honest. That smile is the source of any hope I have for his future. In that smile you see his potential. Seeing that hope on his face made me miss him so much.

My son and I are close. I am his comfort and safety. He is my laughter and joy. These wonderful attributes, unfortunately, are no match for mental illness and trauma. They are necessary to conquer the pain, but there is more to healing than love, laughter and comfort. Sometimes there is just too much hurt.

We had to send our son away. This is a decision that I will carry with me forever. He's in a treatment facility four hours away from us. He's been apart from our family for almost two months now. He's happy, he's healthy and he's getting exactly what he needs so he can rejoin our family. We aren't sure how long he's going to be gone. That depends on many factors, not the least of which is our insurance company. Our goal is that with this treatment he will be able to live into his potential and be the person we know he is destined to be.

It's amazing how quiet things are around here. Yes, everything is easier. I'm beginning to question whether that's a good thing. I find myself praying less, thinking about God less, and needing no one. Life hasn't gotten easier. I've just traded one struggle for another.....even as everything seems perfect.

For now we will continue our hope. My son hopes. We hope. We know this won't be a solution. It will simply be the start of a new journey.